Lately, I’ve been asked many times if our three boys have similar personalities or completely different personalities?
I actually love when people ask me this question, for many reasons. The main reason being that it allows me to reflect on each of our boys very special personalities and spirits. (Like my best friend Brandi likes to call it: our YOUnique personalities).
This is how I usually begin my response to this question:
‘You know it’s funny…before we had our second child, I just kind of assumed that our second child would be very similar to our first child. I guess I assumed this because this child is coming from the same set of parents and gene pool. Yet I don’t know why I had such a silly thought like this because I know that my brother, sister and I all come from the same set of parents and we are all three very different beings. I have never even come across any siblings who are all similar, so again, why would I think for two seconds that our children would be similar too? Oh and to answer your question: Our three boys couldn’t be more different from each other…and I have come to absolutely LOVE this element of life. It is so exhilarating to witness their own, very special, very YOUnique personalities, but most of all their YOUnique spirits which pulsates with its very own fingerprint in this world.’
I have to admit, I didn’t always have this way of thinking. When our second child was born and it was very obvious that his personality was far from similar to his older brother’s personality, I almost felt, for lack of better words, confused and maybe a little defeated. All along I was thinking for the first 9 months of our 2nd child’s life, ‘I know how to be a parent because I’ve “done” this before…this should be a piece of cake.’ Ha! Not so much. And by the way, life would be so boring if these children were similar…so again, why did I ever think this way?
At first, I didn’t know what to do when our second child wasn’t super out-going as our first child. I wasn’t sure how to “teach” him how to just go up to other children and adults and start up a conversation. I wasn’t sure how to “teach” him to manage his frustration differently. I didn’t know how to “teach” him not to be afraid of the things he revealed to me at the time, that were his fears. I wasn’t sure how to “teach” him differently than how I had taught our first child, to use the potty, and to try new foods, activities and sports. I started to question my parenting abilities and skills…and in a way, I started to feel like I was a failure at this parenting thing.
You can call me a slow learner, because after many failed attempts of trying to use the same “training” techniques that I had used on our first child, I finally became aware that I couldn’t raise him the exact same way that I had raised our first. In fact, it was our second child who opened my awareness that he was actually here to teach me how to raise him!
This reality of life was my first realization of the truth that our children actually came here to teach us. And now, with another child in our lives, I have learned that not only did our children come here to teach us, but our children came here to teach us how to raise them and how to nurture them and how to elevate their spirit so that they can do and create all that their spirit came here to do in this lifetime.
A few months ago, I was over at my friend Brandi’s house and she allowed me to read what she had written about her oldest child for his “About Me” page for Star of the Week at school. What she wrote about her YOUnique son not only brought tears to my eyes but it opened my eyes to the reality of how each of our children have their own YOUnique fingerprint. We were not created to be similar in the least. Through her writing about her son, I could feel Brandi’s emotions and thoughts about how truly special his spirit (and what I like to call, “fingerprint”) is to this world. She described how she knew he came into this life, being who he is, with his unique qualities and unique gifts he has to offer us all in this lifetime. As I read her words, it was just another confirmation to me how we each our different and YOUnique. It reminded me once again that because we are all so distinct, we don’t require the exact same format for learning and experiencing life. What works for “raising” or teaching one child, doesn’t necessarily mean those same techniques will work best for the next child.
Another valuable lesson I’ve come to learn as a parent now that my awareness has been broadened, is that what might be a desire or interest of mine, does not mean that it will be the desire or interest of my children. This is a tough one for us parents to accept and comprehend. Our children did not come here to fulfill our desires and destiny, they came here to fulfill their own special blueprint and purpose. I think most of us parents do this unconsciously and not intentionally. We think, ‘well I have great memories when I was a child of being involved in sports or going to college and being a part of a sorority’, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that this is what our children wish do to with their lives. I’ve learned that if I try and force something on our children that they don’t wish to do, that it can actually begin to bury part of their spirit and part of who they are and who they wish to become.
This is a tough lesson for us parents because we think of what made us happy as children will automatically make our children happy too. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case…and if we stay present with our children and actually become more “aware” and conscious, they will teach us how they wish to be lifted up and fulfilled. I believe that in the end, this is what can help our children be happy throughout their lives; is staying present with them and allowing them to try and do what their spirit actually yearns to experience.
If you’re wondering, I do believe in discipline. Just ask my friends who know me well. I’m not saying we let our children run the show in this arena. I’m actually saying that if we can open our awareness, to the truth of each of our child’s spirit, they will guide us by sharing with us the most productive and positive path to help them not only be happy, but to also find and live out their purpose here on earth. And I believe there is no greater gift you can give your child than to help them align with their passion and purpose.
Today’s affirmation: Every day I strive to expand my awareness and understanding. I am using my unique skills and abilities to be all that I can be.